You must be joking

Phone Rings:

Grandma: Hello?
Kid: Oh Hi Grandma.
Grandma: Is your Mom alive?
Kid: Um, I'm not sure.
Grandma: What? You're not sure that she's alive?
Kid: She's standing here. Mom, are you alive?

Thanks, so nice to be noticed.

Door Opens:

Kid: Hey! You're home from the hospital!
Me: Yep.
Kid: Did you bring your tumor home in a jar so we could see it?

Thanks, but no.

Eyes Open:

Me: Hey!
Nurse: Hey!
Me: Where's my blackberry? I have work to do.
Nurse: Oh boy. Not today you don't. You're in recovery.
Me: Drat.

I can work, really.