Monday, September 24, 2012

Burning Rubber

The first rule of driving, living, being a mountain climbing sherpa, or bass hand fishingperson is to be defensive. Always plan on someone else doing something so stupid and ridiculous that you find yourself saying "I can't make this shit up."  As it happens, I say that all the time.

Whilst driving home from church to pick up the tent that we were supposed to take on the first trip (Note: you cannot protect yourself from your own stupidity), I witnessed the irritation of a 15 year old temp holding vehicle operator expressing frustration with the "old person driving like she's old and insane." To his credit, she was kind of old- not like 45 old, so even I thought she was old. She drove so slow that the kid (late braker, in this case) was getting a bit antsy.  And then, in the middle of an intersection, in a residential neighborhood this pyschopath did a u-turn and drove on the grass to turn around. Late Braker's eyes were like saucers.  I can't make this shit up.

Every day I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to keep others from enacting cockamamie schemes to do one thing or another. I wish I knew how to karate chop these dumb ideas out of the thinker's skull before it becomes a fully articulated scheme. I'm sure this is justifiable violence.Also, not fabricated horse pucky. Maybe this paragraph should be saved for my inside voice but it's just that defensive mechanism thing.

Anyway, Late  Braker drove the minivan this weekend and managed to squeal the tires, although not spectacularly like Tire Squealer.  I'm starting to feel inadequate that I don't go peeling out of the lot at the grocery store with those 3 gallons of milk and Eggo waffles in a cloud of smoke. That's living that could  be enhanced with some needless road noise. And maybe some high caffeine energy drinks.

I guess this is one of those times when you can learn stuff from your kids- the restorative power of a little noise. Here I am trying to help them aniticipate the u-turning, grass squashing idiots and I could  be venting all sorts of energy on rubber burning off on the pavement and supporting their efforts to do the same.

Can you imagine having to deal with all of this as sherpa?Teaching some teenagers to drive and peeling out my tires on the way to work everyday sure  beats keeping some yokel from plunging into a crevasse.  I can't make this shit up.

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