Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A Note to the Child whose Butt always gets saved

To You: and you know exactly who you are.

You are a twin and therefore benefit greatly from having a duplicate of yourself roaming the halls of the junior high.

As you are undoubtedly aware, last year, we saved your butt more times than we could count. You were the happy beneficiary of a homegrown class monitor (that other kid) who brought everything home that could be copied for you.

You know what? You're done. That other kid won't pay your electric bill and he won't help you get a job or learn Kirkegaard when I force you to go to schools on opposite coasts and maybe even different countries.

You are taking advantage of a familial situation that no one else has. You know what? You can't do that, so stop it. Someday, when you're not living in my basement, you'll thank me for making it tough on you now.

Besides, I think there are lots of spiders in the basement.

Love, Mom

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