- The line I pick at the grocery store.
- Elephant gestation.
- Televised award shows.
- Recitations of Puritan sermons.
- Ulysses, by James Joyce.
- Mail in Rebates.
- Wagnerian operas.
- Professional seminars.
- Omelet bars.
- Mail order wine.
- Toll plazas in Chicago.
- Anything having to be stenciled.
Peter is especially slothful...
Me: Put your shoes on- the bus is coming in 10 minutes.
Peter: In a minute, I'm (Pick two- Reading, picking lint from my toes, laying in bed, staring at myself in the mirror, eating, combing my hair, complaining about my shirt, counting the hair on my right big toe, ignoring you. )
Andrew is similarly situated...
Me: We have to leave in 5 minutes.
Andrew: In a minute, I'm (Pick two- putting on my socks, reading a novel, arguing with you about who or what started the Battle at Gettysburg, staring into space, peeling an orange, inventing a hover car out of Popsicle sticks and string, ignoring you.)
To address this I could:
- Laugh maniacally
- Have another drink
- Pull the fire alarm
- Threaten any number of things including, but not limited to, the elimination of air, food or shelter
- Make a souffle
- Stencil my driveway
- Read Ulysses
- Recite my favorite sermons of fire and ice by Jonathan Edwards
- Calculate how long my parental transgressions will get me sentenced in the after-life
- Watch the bus leave and my offspring walk to school.
Kid: Mom, are you going to take me to (Pick two, scouts, school, church, the library, the store, prison, to see my probation officer)?
Me: Hmmmm, I'm moving a bit like a tortoise today....come back in an hour.