Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lights Out at the Track Meeting

It was a long day at the ranch. Of course I don't work at or near a ranch, but if what I did, in any way resembled a ranch, I would have misplaced most of the sheep, knocked over the fence, burned the beans and tangled the ropes.

Alas, I came running home from the ranch and ran out again with two kids in tow. I ran back home to work some more (because the sheep were lost and the fence was knocked over.) Then, I ran back out and we went to the 7th and 8th grade track meeting at school.

It was standing room only. We were not even late. There we stood in the back of the cafeteria by the folded up tables with about 200 other people. It was madness.

About half way through the speech on pulled muscles....

I started to feel a little funny.
My ears were ringing.
I started to sweat.
My hands were kind of clammy.
I think I was standing right next to a waterfall based on all the gushing in my ears.

Dressed head to toe in winter white, I made my way to sit on the floor AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. The boys were riveted by the descriptions of track and field events and completely oblivious as I sat down HARD on that Junior High cafeteria floor- in my white pants. Horrors, indeed.I think I sat on a Twinkie wrapper.

I have no idea what happened next because everything WENT COMPLETELY BLACK. I must have started coming back around a few minutes later and I recall realizing that my head was flopped back like a limp octopus tentacle on a stick. If I'm really lucky, my mouth was wide open and I was snoring. But, A&P said no- no snoring. Peter did admit that he glanced over and noticed that my head was bouncing precariously around on my limp neck while I was collapsed next to the cafeteria table. Did he do anything? Of course not, he was busy listening to the coach.

Andrew was similarly distracted. No one noticed me in a heap at the back of the Junior High cafeteria. I think that's a good thing or we'd probably have to relocate and find another school for the boys. Later, Peter offered to call 911 but that seemed a bit unnecessary after I came back around.

I had to drive home and Peter grabbed the phone to call their dad. "Mom, passed out. I want to call 911. I'm pretty sure she's not safe." Nice... from someone who 10 minutes prior could have given two hoots about his droopy, sloppy, unconscious mess of a Mother, who incidentally was wearing winter white while mopping the floor of the Junior High cafeteria with her back end.

Andrew quickly, helpfully and without merit offered a diagnosis of a seizure disorder.
"I don't have a seizure disorder! I just passed out!"

Andrew replied, "That's just what I thought you'd say. You're denying you have a problem. You can't get it fixed until you admit you have a problem."

My first problem is Boy Scouts who didn't jump up to save me. My second problem is that I missed about half of the meeting. Did anyone take any notes?
My last problem is now I have to get my pants dry cleaned again.


Cheri Holdridge said...

Oh Jennifer, what will we do with these kids?

JBA said...

Gysies. We will sell them to gypsies.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

If you didn't have a seizure disorder before, kids could be that flashing strobe light that puts you into one!