To Tweet or Not to Tweet

Some people should probably not tweet. (Is that a verb now?) I am probably the type of person that should not. I was thinking today while driving in traffic what it would be like if my stream of consciousness was being reproduced in tweets- kind of like a vehicularly inspired "Ulysses" except I'm in Toledo and not Dublin and I'm not as interesting. (Although seriously, I remember wading through Ulysses. Did anyone actually find that interesting after 1400 pages? I'm just saying.)

All of this tweeting or twittering even made it into the New York Times this weekend with sample tweets. My favorite one asked a question like "Why does my Christmas tree end up on the curb after an eggnog fueled rampage?" I'm paraphrasing, but I distinctly remember the phrase "eggnog fueled rampage." I'd like to have one of those. I'll invite you over to watch if I do.

Back to my original point, here are some things that tweeters or twitter-ers, should not tweet or twitter...

• "Intestinal disruption caused by week old rotting clams can be easily avoided by not eating week old rotting clams."
• "I want a divorce!" (Don't you think someone has done this? I had a friend of a friend who had her boyfriend break up with her by fax. So rude.)
• "You have a booger in your right nostril, Karl." Poor Karl.
• "Anyone have a spare kidney?"
• "My porch is overrun by woodchucks."
• "I have extra guano, anyone want some?"
• "I'm on my way to therapy for my pyromania! Sorry about the kitchen table, Mom!"
• "My children are currently in the company of gypsies."

At the end of the day, I'm too boring to twitter. Is anyone really that interesting to give updates every two hours?