Sunday, January 25, 2009

I Want Candy



I love candy. Once when I was a little kid, I ate the lavender sachet, smelly things in my dresser drawers because I was so desperate for candy.


Unfortunately, not much has changed. I have, however, curtailed the eating of toxic substances.

I know that candy will make me fat and rot my teeth. I know that it does weird things to my blood sugar after I speed eat an entire bag of conversation hearts. Alas, I have little control except to stock up on carrots and celery and walk right on by the candy display at the grocery store even though the peach rings and gummy worms are screaming "BUY ME! EAT ME!"

Gummy bears are a particular favorite- especially when I fly. It gets me through take off without screaming "Are you sure we're not crashing???" and clinging to my seat mate.

As further evidence of my addiction here is the conversation with myself every afternoon at work...

Me as Candy Hound: Hey, it's 3:00 and this project is driving me crazy. There's candy in my assistant's office. There's candy in the vending machine.

Normal Me: No, don't do this. Your teeth will rot and you can't have dessert at dinner if you eat this now. Just send one more email and yell at one more person and this will pass. Your pants won't fit if you keep doing this.

Me as Candy Hound: You can't stop me. I'm getting up and walking out the door, down the hall and I'm going right to that vending machine and I'm buying M&M's. I'm going to eat half of them on the way back. (Insert maniacal laughter here)

Normal Me: HA! No, you won't! You left all your change in the car to stop yourself from doing this in the middle of the afternoon. And, there isn't any more sweet stuff in your assistant's office because you ate it all at 8:30 this morning, you weakling!

Me as Candy Hound: You Witch! You Harpy! (grabs purse and dumps it upside down looking for change) ARGH! (Digging through desk) There must be a lint encrusted DumDum in here somewhere!

*Phone rings*

You probably don't want to be the one calling me at 3:05.

7 comments:

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Oh, oh, can I have some M&M's too!? [waving raised hand frantically] Ive been having severe sugar withdrawals since Christmas! LOL ♥ ∞

JBA said...

Yes, here Sparky take them from me so I don't eat this 9 pound bag all by myself!

Just B said...

I have that conversation with myself all the time! (I'm not saying who usually wins, but I have noticed that my pants seem to be shrinking in the wash lately...)

JBA said...

You too? I've been blaming the dryer. Gosh darn Whirlpool.

Shonda Little said...

I love that the two versions of yourself are having conversations. It's like we are one in the same.

JBA said...

I always knew I had a twin, Shonda. Are you a empress also?

bernthis said...

come on over: I've got Jellybeans, Raisenets, and some ice cream. I have that talk with myself ALL THE TIME. You just don't want to talk to me when I'm in the grocery store