If the Boy Blogged

I'm fairly certain that we don't want to know what goes on in any 13 year old's head. Clearly, since I can barely remember being 13, the universe must have removed these thoughts (sort of like childbirth where you only remember the good stuff.) Good thing too or there might not have been very many humans. There are a few 13 year old humans that may not make it to 14. If I've said it once, I've said it 50 times since breakfast: I brought you here and I can take you out.

So if one of my resident 13 year olds were to blog, what might that look like? One of them is still nice, so that one might not be worth the effort. The cranky, surly one? Now that's some good reading.

Day 1: I need cash.
I need money. I have to work to get this money and this is a drag. I work here all the time- do this do that stuff all day long. I have a bank account with mysterious money I can't touch. I'm going to buy a Mustang when I'm 16 no matter what they say. My brother can pay for my gas. Did I have homework? Why does she keep asking me? Why am I here anyway? Junior High sucks.

Day 2: Ho-Ho's
I asked her 4 times to buy me Ho-Ho's. I was ignored. Again. No one in this family likes me. I should wear a belt because my pants are loose. I can't find it. This is why I need Ho-Ho's. I guess I could lift the weights that I got for Christmas but that's not very exciting. I'm out of PopTarts too. She never listens. I'm just air. I'm sure they hate me.

Day 3: My brother is a dork
Do you know what a pain it is being a twin? People call me "the Twin." That is so annoying. My hair is so much better than his and he laughs at all the wrong stuff. He walks weird. He took my shirt and ate the last ice cream sandwich. I need a TV for my room. I want to move to California.

Day 4: My IPod
When will my evil overlords give me the IPod back? I don't want to ask because they'll lecture me again about "inappropriate surfing." Everyone has boobs. What's the big deal? When I move to California, I can see whatever I want on the beach. What will they do, blindfold me?

Day 5: I hate Everyone
I am not slow. What is this crap they say "if you're on time, you're late"? Garbage. Why do I have to get somewhere first. It's so stupid. I need time for my hair.Whatever, they hate me.

The morale of this story? Be afraid, very afraid.