Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Menace:The Conversation

Several days ago, the doorbell rang.

DING! DING! DING!

Opening the door, I found no one there. Though, I felt something underfoot. Something was amiss. A light breeze twisted the ends of my wet hair. Andrew called from the house, "Close the door! It's cold."

We didn't know it at the time, but a day or two later we met our Invader, the Marauder, the Illness Packed Microbe that would wreck schedules, blow through 4 boxes of Kleenex and no one remembers how much 7Up, Jello or toast. The Menace, as I'd like to call it, has been here for a week and it's high time The Menace took off.

Me: Get Out.
Menace: (Evil Laughter)
Me: No really, get out. I'm out of Lysol. I give up. Get Out.
Menace: (More Evil Laughter)
Me: Listen, you've wiped out three of us. I don't think the big guy is going to fall. Didn't you notice he came home with a surgical mask and gloves? Besides, the neighbors have like 9 kids, try them instead. Wouldn't that be more fun?
Menace: I'm thinking. Do you have any dirty Kleenex left? You picked everything up.
Me: (Evil Laughter)
Menace: No really, what's with the bucket of soapy water? And the laundry? You never voluntarily strip beds.
Me: Who said it was voluntary. Are you interested in my bucket? It's warm. Don't microbes like warm, wet places?
Menace: That does sound nice. Your family runs around in their underwear. That's not very warm, but that bucket looks like a spa.
Me: It is nice.
Menace: KERSPLOOSH!
Me: It's Bleach! Die you rotten thing! Die!


In my brain, this is how to conquer the flu. Perhaps I'm still feverish.

The End.

3 comments:

Audrey said...

That is great! I am telling you, we have been fighting that nasty flu bug for a couple of months, simply passing it from one to the other. And I had the flu shot!!! Wasn't supposed to get the damn bug! Aaargh!
Hope you are all done with it now. And....hope your neighbors don't get it!

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Ah HA! That's why you want to share your rain. You're sending The Menace too. I'm on to ya. [giggle] OMGoodness, keep that nasty Menace up there please. But that explains why you've been silent of late. Poor kid. Lay around and watch a lot of DVD's, drink hot tea until you're better. I've been lucky and escaped the flu for years. [knock on wood, my head]

Your post was really funny. It's amazing how can you be so creative whilst pucking into a bucket. So, here's hoping you're better soon. ♥ ∞

JBA said...

Audrey, we had the flu shots too! And the Tamiflu they gave us didn't work at all. Blast it all!

Sparky, you are correct. I was in bed until late this afternoon. I even had to cancel a business trip that I was really looking forward to, but I was too sick to even think about driving. Blech!

So Sparky, I swear I won't send you poison rain! ;)