Wednesday, April 8, 2009

This is your brain: Home Alone

WARNING: This is my brain. (OK, it's a replica, relax. How could I type this if that was really my brain.) Random thoughts on being left home alone. No need to call the authorities. Really.
While home alone I have:
  • Organized my socks
  • Worked
  • Had a few martinis (or 18, whatever)
  • Did my own laundry
  • Had a phone conversation and was not interrupted, not even once
  • Turned off the lights and they stayed off
  • Listened to Yo Yo Ma and did not get harassed
  • Hit my snooze button a few extra times

Sounds pretty successful? OMG, don't let this fool you. When are they coming back?

So they called last night. I had a conversation with Peter, but I thought it was Andrew. Does that count as having conversation with both of them? I felt terrible that I had mixed them up. My normal foolproof way of not messing this up is starting every conversation with "Which one are you?" I was feeling over confident, queen of my twinless domain and I blew it. This is so going to add years to their therapy. In my own defense, they sound totally alike, but for a little bit of attitude on that Peter kid.

Once when they were little, Tim and the boys picked me up at the airport in Detroit. I had been gone for about 5 days on a business trip. I opened the side door of the minivan to find two very similar faces staring at me from their car seats. I HAD NO IDEA WHICH ONE WAS WHICH. So you say "Hey Boys!"

What a loser. Even people at the grocery store or school say things like: "Hey since you're their mom you probably never mess them up." But I do, all the time. I must be lacking some sort of identical twin Mom never messes up the kids ever or they'll be in therapy for years gene. Yep, they really drew the short straw when they ended up with me.

Wow. Where exactly did I put that drink???

7 comments:

Audrey said...

You might be missing the
"identical twin Mom never messes up the kids ever or they'll be in therapy for years gene" but you make up for it with the funny gene! Glad to see you are well on your way to consuming all 52 martini's this week!

YES...I also wish that we could get together for coffee! And an art gallery. And a couple of gallons of martini's!

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Ha, try over 100 kittens in 21 years and remember who the parents were when a kitties owner asks...I just tell them I'd have to look it up in my journal (and I have all that info from time of birth up until the kitten leaves home at 16 weeks) and then your brain will feel like that egg in the frying pan (and bragging...I have only lost track of 1 kitty in all those years!)

JBA said...

Audrey, you so have a date!

Teri, that's pretty impressive. I can't even keep track of a few grocery coupons much less my children half the time!

Eskimo Bob said...

Great blog - I found you threw Pearl's site.

I was friends with some triplets growing up. I had no idea who was who and every time I saw them I would always get the name with the person wrong.

I guess at least they had someone who looked exactly like them. I haven't met my twin - but people stop me all the time thinking I'm someone else.

It's quite disconcerting to have someone come up and say:

"Hey Tim - we still on for three o'clock on Thursday?"

"I think you have me confused with someone else."

They get a confused look - like I'm playing some prank on them.

"So - three o'clock isn't good?"

"My name is Bob. I'd be happy to meet with you at three. Be sure to have all of your financial information ready to maximize the use of our time."

"Who are you?"

Eskimo Bob said...

I meant 'through' although you may have thrown it too.

JBA said...

Hey there, Eskimo Bob. Thanks for the visit. Your dialogue is pretty darned funny!

Melissa A. Wardy said...

My dear god am I jealous!! I have not been home alone in over four years!!! Four years!!! I have not even gone pee alone in.....oh gosh, I need to escape! Why are there no more circus trains?